Sweater Obliteration
by Rainbowkittyblossomwings
Summary: Angol Mois is trying to sew some sweaters for Kululu. However they're way too cute for him to handle. Without hurting her feelings and telling her the either of the reasons he dislikes them, because they're ugly, and also because they're cute, he tries to get rid of them desperately. Pre-established kurumois relationship. One-shot for a winter challenge.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this.**

 **I've decided to try to do a winter challenge. Don't know if I'll do all the one-shots, but I'm going to play with them a bit. They'll be unedited since I do not want to send them to my beta-reader because she's very swamped with work. If someone does want to edit them or cares enough about them that would be swell, but these are mostly just for fun. Don't know if they'll be 1000 words or less or more. Just be aware that there will be some typos.**

 **First prompt: Sweaters.**

* * *

Keronians didn't have any seasons on Keron. It was odd to have a full year filled with four different seasons. On Keron that would be just called 'four years' or something like that, but Pekopon was much different.

Currently it was winter, and although this wouldn't mean much to Kululu usually, it meant something this time. After all this was his first winter together with Angol Mois and although he himself didn't think that was a big achievement as a couple, she did and was always reminding him of it.

"Kululu! Kululu!" She approached him with that chipper little attitude of hers that day, dressed in this weird sweater and holding a bag.

"What?" He asked. Did she need something? Or did she just want to check up on him?

"I made you a sweater. I thought it would be nice if we had something matching to look more like a couple. You could say, a loving set?" Angol Mois smiled.

Kululu frowned. That explained the sweater she was wearing. The colors were clashing and although it looked warm and fit her body nicely it looked almost as ugly as him. Yellow, orange and gray just were not meant to be on a sweater together. His goal was to make people's eyes hurt but Angol Mois shouldn't really be like that.

"Why would you think we should look more like a couple?" Kululu asked. He preferred the concept of 'what goes on behind closed doors should remain private because it was none of his platoon's business who he was dating' but Angol Mois of course loved to remind people of her relationship and how absolutely happy she was with Kululu. It both embarrassed him and pleased him. It was a mostly conflicted feeling.

"Well, it was you who said you wanted me to look more like I was your girlfriend." She pointed to her now spiral hairpin. Kululu frowned. Honestly he had said that just to get rid of her stars. He didn't like them. But she made a fair point, he had given her this idea.

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair. "Fine, show me the sweater you got me." He reluctantly told her.

"I made it myself!" She smiled proudly. She pulled the sweater out of the bag to reveal something that was around her size. She probably didn't have his measurements so it was quite over-sized. And the color scheme was just as atrocious as the sweater she was wearing. It made Kululu wince because she probably didn't know it was honestly terrible.

"Uhhh..." He took it in his hands. Despite its terrible choice in colors it had this soft sort of fabric and was leaking the toxic purity that he hated so much, it was clear she had sewn it filled with love.

"Are you going to wear it?" Angol Mois asked curiously tilting her head. "Do you like it?"

"I love it!" Kululu lied. He didn't want her to start crying. "And of course I'll wear it...Just let me finish work first."

He had to figure out a way to destroy it. It was a monster sweater. It was both way too cute for him and way too hideous, a terrible combination. If he wore it he was 99% certain the universe would implode on itself. He was a scientist. He knew these things.

And he may have been a jerk but he had a duty to the universe, he lived in it. He had to save it from this sweater.

* * *

The next time he saw her he didn't have the sweater on. "I have terrible news!" He lied. "My lab was blown up by Giroro, and your sweater...Well, it was caught in the crossfire." Getting Giroro to be angry with him was way too easy of a feat and the sweater had just happened to be charred.

Angol Mois pouted, disappointed that her sweater was gone. "I'll make another one!" She promised, "Giroro won't take your sweater away from you!"

Kululu frowned. "Great. That's just great." His voice dripped with a layer of sarcasm that he hoped she hadn't picked up on.

* * *

The next sweater didn't have the same color scheme, but it was over-sized and fluffy and cute. Also terrible, but he couldn't out right refuse it. He played pretend of how lovely of a sweater it was and in a similar fashion it met a terrible demise.

"Ku, ku, ku. You could say, sayanora sweater?" Kululu laughed to himself as he visited a moratorium just to get rid of the remains of this sweater. Nobody would know and hopefully Angol Mois would give up.

He underestimated her tenacity.

* * *

Each day Kululu received a sweater, sometimes two or three because he was losing them through horrible accidents so quickly. Sometimes they were cute, and sometimes they were just ugly. And Kululu had taken it as a personal action of himself to destroy them without hurting Angol Mois's feelings.

But he felt she was wising up to his plot- she would ask him about the sweaters and what he would like in the next one and Kululu would just shrug, disinterested in sweaters. He hadn't really thought through his plan to get rid of them. It had just started with a really ugly one that he hadn't wanted to wear but didn't want to hurt her feelings. Now it was like a mission, he got a buzz from destroying each sweater and covering it up in more and more convoluted ways. But he still didn't want Angol Mois to know he disliked them.

"Do you not like the sweaters?" Angol Mois finally asked after number 203. He had personally destroyed 203 sweaters.

"No! I love them!" Kululu lied. He didn't know what he hated more about them, the work she had put into them and how cute they were or how they sometimes didn't look very good. "I don't know why they keep on getting destroyed. Ku, ku, ku. Universe must not really like sweaters. You use a nice fabric though." Last one she had somehow managed to make fire-proof. It had been harder to burn. He had taken a trip to the sun and it had still managed to find a way back. He had to give her props for tenacity.

"Do you really love them? Or do you just love that I make them?" Angol Mois frowned, "Because I don't have to make you them anymore if you dislike them. You could say, just be honest? Do you want me to stop?"

"No!" Kululu answered without thinking. He really did like them, like destroying them that was. He felt bad that he had gotten so addicted to it. "I love them because you make them AND because they're cute as heck."

Angol Mois narrowed her eyes suspiciously. _He doesn't like them, does he? After all, Kululu would never ever call something cute and say he likes it._ So as she had suspected he was destroying them purposefully.

Well, he didn't need them then. Two could play at this game.

* * *

The next day he didn't get a sweater. But all of his platoon members did. He crossed his arms and glared at Angol Mois.

"Well that's not fair. Why was I excluded?" Kululu asked.

"I already gave you two hundred and three." Angol Mois shrugged. "And I wanted someone to enjoy a sweater. You could say, I have a lot of skills that I wanted to put to good use!" She grinned.

"Look Mois! We match!" Keroro laughed. He had gotten the prided matching sweater. Both he and Angol Mois had little sweaters with pekopon on them. Kululu narrowed his eyes and looked between them.

She had wised up to what he was doing. And the little slink had used it against him and was now punishing him.

 _Ku, ku, ku...I suppose I can't blame her, but..._ He didn't have to like it. He looked with great distaste and somewhat jealousy at Keroro's sweater, made with just as much thought as his had been. Angol Mois was smiling and quite proud of her work as Keroro twirled in it.

 _I want it._ He decided. Keroro would not be wearing a sweater made by Kululu's girlfriend. He didn't deserve the affection and skill she had put into it.

He waited until she wasn't looking to bargain with him.

* * *

"Nice sweater, captain." Kululu frowned.

"You think? I really like the sleeves." Keroro moved his arms up and down. Kululu frowned. He didn't want Keroro getting his armpit sweat all over a sweater that would soon be his.

"Isn't the fabric she used made with hydra-genericfolatevok?" Kululu asked a long and complicated word.

"I'm allergic to that. Mois wouldn't put that in my sweater." Keroro shrugged. "And it can only be found on Keron."

"I would put it in your sweater though." Kululu wagged his finger. "And guess who was working with Mois when she made you that? This guy." He pointed to himself.

Keroro looked nervously from side to side. Kululu would do that to him. He quickly wiggled out of his sweater and tossed it onto the ground. "What can I do though? I promised Mois I'd wear the sweater! She made it just for me!"

"I'll pay you in Gundam to give it to me. I can destroy it or something for you. We can fake that it disappeared in an accident." Kululu lied. He pulled out a Gundam. Keroro's eyes widened at the rare model and he grinned. "Well?" Kululu asked.

"You really know how to make a deal with me." Keroro shook Kululu's hand. And Kululu easily took the sweater.

 _My sweater now. You don't deserve her cute sweaters._ Nobody did. They were much too cute for this world.

* * *

Doing the same thing with the other platoon members sweaters, he conned each and every one of them out of there sweaters. Some were easier than others, Tamama didn't even want his and was happy to give it up for free, and some were harder, like Dororo who loved to be included. But soon Kululu had all four of the sweaters.

He wondered if he should destroy them, but before he tossed them into Giroro's fire pit he tried them on, one over the other with Keroro's on top. For once they were in his size. And they were nice and warm and cozy.

He looked at his arms, his sleeves. They were so soft. He looked nice.

 _I guess it can't hurt to keep the sweaters. I mean these weren't made with love for me, they were made through revenge. And she's going to be so mad when she sees that they're mine anyway. It's going to be so cute._ So he kept the sweaters. They were his now.

* * *

Angol Mois wasn't that surprised to see him in the four layers of sweaters though. Instead she was pleased.

"I knew you'd take the sweaters!" She clapped. "I knew I could get you into them!" She snapped a picture. Kululu had finally wore her sweaters.

"W-what?" Kululu started sweating. Had she manipulated him?

"You could say, everybody wants what they don't have! Once I stopped paying attention to you and gave them to everybody else you wanted them, right?" She asked. Kululu frowned. That was what had happened, but he didn't expect she'd use psychological warfare against him.

"You're mean." He teased and pouted, but pulled her into a hug anyway. For a moment he cuddled her, before he spoke up. "I don't think I can feel my fingers."

"You're not wearing all four of them at the same time, right?" She frowned, concerned. Kululu didn't answer. He had to have all of them. "That's not very good for your body, you should only wear one at a time."

"But they're mine!" He whined. "I'm not going to get rid of these."

"Oh! So you confess that you got rid of the others?" She gave him a playful smirk. Kululu sweated.

"They were too cute for this world!" He told her. She laughed as she helped him remove a sweater. It was best to have him get some more circulation.

"I'm glad you like the sweaters." She kissed him on the nose.

Kululu frowned. He didn't really like them. He just wanted them. Just like everything with her. Ever cute thing she made eventually won its way in his heart. Just like she had.

He was hopeless. But at least he had nice warm sweaters for the winter. Even if they were terribly cute.

* * *

 **Please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts, if I should write some more one-shots or not for example. I know I used to write a lot of one-shots when I was starting out.**


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